By now, you’ve likely seen the praise for Jordan Peele’s directorial debut, “Get Out”. I found the movie to be brilliant with its cleaver use of micro-aggressive triggers, social criticisms, and excellent casting. If you haven’t seen the movie, what the hell are you waiting for?
In a nutshell, the movie concept deal with White folks who are body snatching Black people for servitude, power, and immortality. The true horror comes from the idea that original owner of the body is reduced to the status of viewer in the “sunken place”. After a proper hypnotism and lobotomy, a White person fully controls the Black body while the former helplessly watches while floating in darkness. THE SHIT IS FRIGHTENING TO THINK ABOUT.
If this were to ever to happen to me, I would first beg to just be killed completely. I don’t need to witness a White man using my body for shit. Furthermore, I’d be very curious on how they’d maintain this stolen Black body.
I’m positive they’d lack certain skills in upkeep, so I took the great liberty of creating the Body Snatcher User's Guide:
Congratulations on your latest robbery. To ensure effective use and to add to lifespan of your new body, please review the following before first use:
1. The beard, should you keep it, needs to be conditioned often. I use a coconut milk leave in moisturizer. It keeps the hair soft and manageable. No one wants a face full of coochie hair from the 80’s. #NappyDugout
2. After daily showers, It is recommended that you use a good quality lotion, preferably one with shea butter as a central ingredient. This will keep the vibrant appearance of the skin up to par. Be sure to hit the elbows and the knees real good.
3. Speaking of showers: This may be controversial to white folks, but the hair on the Black head doesn’t need to be washed every day. You don’t want to dry out the scalp and cause breakage.
It is suggested that you find a good leave in conditioner (or coconut oil) to keep the mane popping. Don’t even think about using Head & Shoulders on my head. The previous owner was dandruff free all their life and they’ll be damned if you’re walking around with flakes and shit.
4. Let’s talk the merchandise below: Now Billy, the dick is bigger than what you’re used to, but you can’t go around just shoving that in just anyone. There is a process and protocol; don't forget about foreplay.
As the involuntary new owner of this body, who you decide to smash is your choice. However, be cautioned that its previous user was a homosexual, so if you’re thinking about switching the game up on some vagina, some people in the city may be a little confused when they see you searching for poon-tang.
5. Being that the body you’ve stolen is previously used. The palette will be quite refined to seasoned foods. All that bland chicken won’t taste good at all. Oh, and MAYO…forget about it.
Congratulations on your new possession of a Black body. Enjoy the natural swag but don’t forget, you’re a Nigga now. You will be reminded every day in America when you are pulled over by cops, apply for mortgages or credit lines, and when you breathe.
NO WARRANTY INCLUDED.
All in all, “Get Out” was a dope ass movie and I recommend seeing it. It will freak you out in a psychological way but it is worth the watch and experience.
Listen to the latest episode "The Outline Podcast" with Kevin Dwayne